Monday, May 17, 2010

The Battle of the Astronaut Diet

So I will be starting the Astronaut Diet on May 24th 2010, it was presented to me by a lady named Jerry Dodmother she promised that I would be a supermodel on the outside in three months, four if I was lying about my weight! I am looking forward to the weight loss, I have lots of confidence that I can do this and I am excited. The problem might be that I get really excited and confident about this diet after I have had a large meal, popcorn, ice cream, a king size candy bar and a soda. Hmmm....I wonder what that means. I think it means the diet seems like a good idea at the exact moment that I want to go stick my finger down my throat and upchuck all the garbage I have just eaten. Hopefully the diet will make me feel that horribly sick so that I don't want all the junk food that I am used to rewarding myself with. By rewarding I mean I get up out of bed to realize that three of the four kids made it to the bus after feeding themselves, getting dressed and checking the time so they don't miss it. I take the straggler, drop her off and go immediately to the gas station to buy the little guy a sucker for not taking off with the car while I walk his sister into the school. And for myself for actually realizing that she needed to be taken to school and then I did it, well, I get to have a soda (extra large-caffeinated) and a couple of candy bars that I tell myself will last me for at least a full week. It normally lasts until Isaac takes a nap and then I indulge for having such a hard job like filling the dishwasher and starting a load of laundry. My point is life is hard and I reward myself with a lifestyle that is going to turn me into a diabetic so it's time to do what the Astronaut's do. I mean have you ever seen a Astronaut so fat that they can't float in air while sucking liquid peanut butter and a powdered pouch of two slices of wheat bread? I didn't think so. I will let you know how it's going each day, there will be a lot of complaining, crying, fussing, cussing (in computer bleeping form--example !@##@#$#$$%), I will be blaming others for my weight gain, blaming medications, finances, family members, states that I have lived in, high school teachers, friends, hair spray, and the weather. I am positive that there will be plenty more things that I will be blaming and talking about while crying, I am convinced that not only will crying be therapeutically necessary but I will lose weight by doing so. I could use all the cheerleaders that I can so please read daily and leave comments that will keep me strong and will keep me from cheating. At the end, those that have been faithful will be able to see before and after pictures if I can figure out how to do that! What a treat huh? Wish me luck and thanks to all you who believe in me.....just so you know my supermodel name is Giselle and I know how to use it! Watch me cause here I go! Starla/Mofsi/Giselle


imnotcrazy2218 said...

Hey friend! So, are you going to share this new diet with your friend who needs it, too? I would really, really appreciate it!