Friday, May 28, 2010

Oh Man!

I would like to give a shout out to my Cousin Valerie Griggs Dircks for all the help she has given me with this blog etc. She is an author "Predator" is her book, you can find it on it's under the name Val Griggs. She is one smart cookie, also she has a blog and her neato lizard Edgar does too. She designs A Lure Jewelry and does fabulous makeup if you are ever in her area! Love you Val.

Next, it's time for me to blog, yesterday I had a bijillion ideas and would you believe it they have all been sucked out of my brain thanks to the reality of being a stay at home mom. I was having an extremely bad day yesterday, I went into the ugly sobbing cry, the one where you can't talk or breathe and your brain feels like blowing out of your head right after your eyes jump out of their socket. My son is being bullied, shocking right? I am sure all of you that are reading this blog have experienced that, however, my son has Autism and it's not just one kid it's a group, all day everyday for two years now. The school won't do anything to stop it and I feel like I have let him down and send him to the lion's pit each day, I guess he would prefer it to be a tiger's pit since that is what he loves and that is what the kids harass him about, one of the many things that is! Thanks for letting me vent now let's get to some lighter conversation, conversations that I have with myself I guess. It's the best kind right?

Yesterday I woke up to the sweet face of my husband, he smiled and said "You are in big trouble, for something you did!" I thought to myself "Oh, crap what did he find out?"
"You cheated on me" that's the (clean version). He said "Is that what you are going to do when you get skinny?"

I said "I don't know." I mean what kind of question is that?

He responded by saying, with a smile of course. "This is a college town." Pause. "If I lost a few pounds I could get a college girl ya know, you know how college girls are!"

I said. "Well, I am the one that's on the diet first so I guess I will be the one to get a college guy and cheat first!" "Ha!"

I have to tell you that it was the day after the first day I started the diet and he (Steve) was already crazy goo goo over me, I don't know what's going to happen after I lose a pound! I'll tell you though, I cannot wait! So ladies if you want your husband to pant over you and chase you around the house just go on the Ideal Protein Diet and start praying that he will give you a break sometimes.

Let me tell you how this Astronaut Diet is going, I wake up in the morning, and then it hits me, I can't eat sugar. I feel nauseas at the thought, light headed like a true Supermodel does when she wakes up each morning the difference is she can't even have Astronaut food and she's a stinkin' supermodel so clearly my side of things is much worse!

I have headaches, I am tired, I look at my house and wonder if there is enough change in the couch to pay someone to come here and at least hide my house. My kids stare at me like if you can't get up what makes you think we can and what's that smell in our room. There is a distinct smell in their room of rotten milk, which I am sure Isaac let leak out of his sippy cup, who knows how long it had been under there and the house is a sauna, that doesn't help. When I was getting the cot out from under there when the in-laws were here I noticed that I was dragging spilled milk, a cot, among unidentifiable objects from under the bed. I cleaned it up but the smell has been lingering. So I told Monica to mask the smell with a swifer sweeper wet thingy and after she did that, there was no difference. I was on the bed that the two little girls sleep on, the one that houses the rotten spilled milk situation and I could smell the pungent smell of curdled milk. I carefully sniffed the blankets (never deeply inhale your children's blankets or sheets unless you are a mom that actually cleans) I realized that there must have been a milk spill on the bed also. What does this mean you ask? Well, it means that this poor mom that is faint, and starving has to actually move and go down to the basemtent where the spider webs are hanging down low enough that it really is a haunted house, and I have to actually wash bedding!

My mom would say "Oh, Starla, just take down the broom and get rid of the webs!"

This would be great advice if 1)I had the energy to do that 2)I was a mom that cleans and 3)If I actually remembered to do it. Personally I think she just wants to remind me of the pansy that I am, followed by expressing if she was there she would do it. So mom if you are reading this you are welcome to come and take care of that basement, she's thinking

"I would if I could come!"

The fact is she won't be coming until July and I won't be in this house anymore. The other house however has a history of having a snake in it so she can deal with that, I actually like snakes, but I am sure she could do it better! Hmph!

So back to the diet, I had to drizzle olive oil over my cup of pickles because I forgot to eat the olive oil throughout the day, it wasn't horrible but not recomended. It just seemed wrong. What did I do with the salt that I hadn't used throughout the day, well, I had to eat lettuce with sea salt, I was so full from my dinner of ribeye steak, mashed potatoes, corn and cherry cobbler....wait, I can't have that? Hahaha! No, I was full from my Astronaut dinner that I could hardly get it down, not too mention it wasn't exactly delicious! So I was stocked up on olive oil and sea salt, it just reminded me of how amazing I am going to look in a year, that's what I told Steve last night as we turned off the light to go to bed, that maybe I would be skinny in a year. Blahhhhhh! I am not saying I don't beleive in this diet but it's sure easier to think it will happen to someone else and not yourself! I feel like I have to loose like 80lbs and the light is never going to be at the end of the tunnel, I think it's just my growling stomach talking or my mind that knows I have put myself in non-sugar jail that is saying all this negative smut! So forgive me and just pray that the broccoli will taste like a kitkat so that I won't die!


Anonymous said...

So, while I like the butterflies, I still like the high heel shoe better; it suits you and I can totally see you wearing it!

Okay, watching the biggest loser I realized that I weigh what some of those ladies weigh now and they are looking totally hot. But when I look in the mirror that is not what I see...I see blubber and flubber and yuck! So, I consoled myself with chocolate and ice cream!!! Who does that after watching the inspirational Biggest Loser? I need Jillian to come live with me!

Val Jean said...

u make me laugh.